ICU: Day 12. Good Riddance 2010.

Our family wishes (nearly) everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

As of now, we are still looking at Sunday for discharge.  Although Ryan’s care is amazing and the people at Loudoun Hospital treat us great, we are excited to get home.

2010 was rough year for us as a family, and like 2009, we are happy to see it behind us. Still, it had a few cherished moments. Most notably, Kari graduated from high school and went on to achieve academic success in college.

We were in awe as communities surrounded, loved, provided, and protected us. We watched the people responsible for this sadness being handcuffed and led to jail. I had the opportunity to get a few things off my mind and address the attackers and their families. Without even an ounce of fear, I looked into the eyes of pure and convicted evil, and felt the love for my son overtake me as words poured from my mouth without forethought nor reservation.  In that instance, I learned just how wide and deep the chasm is between pure love and pure hate.

The endless nights throughout the year brought many tears. The heartache was beyond complete despair. Our son cried out in agony, without cease, for months. Our daughter pieced together her senior year in high school, as best she could. We watched our son die, and fight back to us again. We sat almost helplessly as fevers got so high we could feel the heat radiating off Ryan from across the room, his body almost flourescent red, and lips so deeply purplish-red that it scared me just looking at it; a color I never saw in my life before.

Through all this, we stumbled, but never fell. Our strength was tested, and tested, and tested. The fear NEVER relented. We never caught a break. We never were able to breathe a sigh of relief. We couldn’t come up for air and had no choice but to hold our breath and wait. We learned to mentally detach ourselves from our own emotions and make gut-wrenching decisions that were a matter of life-and-death. We learned sometimes there was no other option than to lean on each other, almost like a tripod, to prevent all from crashing down.  We learned to live in the moment. We discovered our daughter, Kari, is the strongest and most unselfish person we ever met. We learned our fear is often misinterpreted by others as strength. We learned our strength is sometimes viewed as foolish hope. We learned hope is a child of desperation.

Yes, whoa is me. I readily admit feeling sorry. Anyone who believes they would feel otherwise… well… doesn’t know otherwise. This is a life thrown upon me that I did not choose. My decisions did not bring these consequences. Sometimes I wish time would advance to a point where the anguish is shattered into oblivion.

So, good riddance to 2010. There is much to hope for in 2011.

We got this!

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About Ryan's Rally LLC

kdiviney@ryansrally.org
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10 Responses to ICU: Day 12. Good Riddance 2010.

  1. Jo Hobbs says:

    Borrowing a quote from Rev. Robert Schuller, “God loves you, and so do we!” We are here for you to help bear your burdens as Jesus teaches. You are strong, Ken; how else could you have written to us informing us 2-3 times weekly of Ryan’s progress (or not). We are so grateful for these posts, and most of us read every one of them. We continually hope and pray for Ryan’s complete healing from God. We will never give up hope. Still here with love and prayers. Happy to see you all going home!

  2. Susanne says:

    Dear Ken,
    I am honored to read your “Good Riddance” story and to feel so connected to your family through the endless updates you have written. Your heart spills out all of the gut-wrenching experiences that taunt you daily. The sleepless nights and the moments of despair. The nighmare that never goes away. The family who constantly seeks peace and rest, and the healing that seems to evade. You and your family have served unconditionally, in ways that seem humanly impossible. Some days when I read your posts, I am at a loss for words, because I, too, feel so helpless. What do I have to offer? How can I make a difference? I can only look upward. God is my strength and my redeemer. I will be praying. May you feel the love and support of those surrounding you in prayer. God is ALWAYS with you.

  3. Paula Yocom says:

    Hi Ken, I wanted to wish you and your family a Happy New Year!! Yes, goodbye to 2010, and welcome to 2011!! This is on a separate note, but — I hope down the road you will seriously consider penning a book about you and your family’s experiences. The reason is that so many people could benefit from what you have been through. It would be helpful to read about your family’s tenacity in the midst of suffering. Just something for you to consider at some point, as I’m sure it’s the last thing on your mind right now. Also, you’re an excellent writer!! Again, thank you for your honesty and allowing us to be a part of your family’s life. We love your famly, and we love Ryan, and dream dreams of him smiling….praying for healing and happiness for you and your family in this new year and beyond!! Love, Paula

  4. Will says:

    Yes, Happy New Year. God enters the New Year once again but in a new way. In silence find Him. He embrace’s each of you. His arm on your shoulder’s gently and quietly nudging your family along this journey in life.

    My prayer continue’s.

  5. Carla Liberty says:

    Ken,

    You have painted a story not with broad brushstrokes, but with gut-wrenching, heart-breaking detail of what it is like to be a father of a child who was wronged. Ryan’s tragedy has stolen so many precious moments from your family – and I can’t begin to fathom what you are dealing with on so many levels. But one thing I do know: You are spot on when you say you have others in the community (and beyond) who will help you along your journey. My faith in humanity has been restored when I see the outpouring of love and support surrounding you.

    My unwavering faith tells me Ryan’s miracle is unfolding. God’s timing is only known to Him, but I’ve continued to “nudge him” a few “hurry-ups” in my prayers 🙂

    God bless you and your precious family, Ken, and may 2011 be a year of miracles for you.

    Love,
    carla

  6. Anna says:

    Ken, wishing your family the best for 2011. Hoping the boys that put this on your family never catch a break, never come up for air, never stop shedding a tear, in their prison days and beyond. I still don’t think they or their family “get” what they did or accept the responsibility. The pain and destruction of your family, Brian Mc., my son Jonny and Ryans other friends will always be. The loss his friends endure is immense and they live with it daily at school. I am sad for them and see their sadness firsthand. Hoping that 2011 brings some healing for you and Ryans extended family and friends.

  7. Jill in Morgantown says:

    To the whole Diviney family

    Here’s wishing you a wonderful new year. We are all praying for miracles for Ryan. Is it terrible to wish that Vantrese makes someone a wonderful girlfriend in prison? Still here and praying in Morgantown

  8. Keith says:

    Ken
    You know Im like you Hello 2011. You all have been through so much through the last yr. But i will say you seem to be strong and thats what Ryan needs is to have someone strong for him. I know there has to be days that you are down and i can see why. I dont know if i could say that i could stand strong going through what you have. So Hats off to 2011 and Praying for A Wonderful Yr. And I am Claiming to See Miracles this Yr and Soon for you all.

  9. Cheryl Onderchain says:

    It takes courage to put it all out there and share what/how you feel. Anyone who judges how you feel and what you say, well, we/they haven’t been there and we have no clue. The strength, courage, selflessness and general amazing awesomeness you all continue to convey is simply amazing. If I raise my children to have half the character and compassion you all have displayed I will feel I’ve led a decent life. Sometimes when tragedies happen good things come from it – the effect you all have had on so many people’s lives and outlooks, well, just know that it has really been life changing.

  10. alecia says:

    I pray that all of the healing prayers raised up around the world every day for Ryan will be answered this year!

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