Silly Jokes

Okay, so people now know that I’m a bit juvenile. Sue will be happy that the secrets out and she’s been right about me the whole time.  Childish, yes, especially when it comes to jokes. So, to feed my addiction, this page is devoted to making us laugh.

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    58 Responses to Silly Jokes

    1. Pingback: Honda Rebel 500 Motorcycle - New York Mustangs - Forums

    2. How do you catch a unique rabbit?

      Unique (you sneak) up on it.

    3. How do you catch a tame rabbit?

      The tame (same) way.

    4. Rita says:

      Why did the donut maker close her shop?

      She was tired of the hole business.

    5. Sam Durham says:

      There was a mommie, daddy and baby tomato and they were walking around the blcck one day. The kid kept hanging behind and the mom kept having to go back and get him. After a while the dad had just about had it. The kid lagged behind one last time and his dad walked back STEPPED on him squishing him and said…. “KETCH-UP!”

    6. Sam Durham says:

      And our family’s (esp Annie) all time favorite:
      Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and say, “woah…it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “OH MY GOODNESS, a talking muffin!”

      First you have to say it in a muffin voice, then you have to say, if you are Annie, amongst giggles, “did you get it? see one muffin was talking and was surprised the other muffin talked… did you get it? Did you?” Cracks HER up every time she tells it.

    7. Sam Durham says:

      Annie also sent you this one (from the Lion King)

      How did Simba beat Nala in a race?

      He mu-fasa. (again the tone of voice is very important here)

    8. Julie Manausa says:

      What do you call a teacher who’s afraid to fart in public?

      A private tutor!!! 🙂

      ….

      potty joke numero dos,

      why was the sand wet?

      Cause the seaWEED!

    9. Sam Durham says:

      What lives in the ocean and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
      The Cod-father

      What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus at the beatles concert?
      I want to hold your hand… hand hand hand hand hand hand hand. (sing this please)

    10. Sam Durham says:

      Knock Knock

      Who’s there?

      Lettuce

      Lettuce who?

      LETTUCE IN IT’S COLD OUT HERE! (From your friends up north!)

    11. What kind of bird doesn’t fly?

      A jail bird.

    12. A take on the “if a tree falls in the woods” question…

      The other day I was walking through the woods. I fell down. Nobody heard me.

      • Sam Durham says:

        Sue will like this version: If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

    13. Cheryl Onderchain says:

      Knock knock?
      Who’s there?
      Who?
      Who Who?
      You’re not an owl!

      (totally corny but it’s one of my kids’ favorites… lol)

    14. Sam Durham says:

      What do you say if someone steals your cheese?

      “HEY, that’s na-cho cheese!!!”

    15. Rita says:

      “Please do something for me!” the patient cried to the doctor. “I can’t stop thinking that I’m a bridge.”
      “What’s come over you?” asked the doctor.
      “So far, five cars and a truck.”

    16. Karen Pekar says:

      Why did they take away the dinosaur’s driver’s license?

      Too many tyrannosaurus rex.

    17. Karen Pekar says:

      Why did the golfer need two pairs of pants when he went to the golf course?

      In case he had a hole in one.

    18. ToMG. says:

      A rube goes into a lumber store to place his order.
      The salesmans says, “We cut our lumber to order, how long do you want it?”
      The rube says, “I don’t know, let me ask my brother out in the truck.”
      He comes back after a minute and says, “We want it for a long time, we’re gonna build a barn.”

      (Bwaaahaha! My father’s favorite joke)

    19. Beth Quesnell says:

      What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
      Chicken Spocks!

    20. RJ says:

      What do you call a dog with no legs?

      It doesn’t matter. He won’t come anyway.

    21. Bobbi Doherty says:

      From my 6 year old : Why did the chicken cross the road?

      To get away from KFC.

    22. Michele says:

      Why do lobsters not like to share?
      Because they’re shellfish!

    23. Michele says:

      What do you call a cow with no legs?
      Ground beef.

    24. Michele says:

      A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen” – ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her “the driver just insulted me!” The man says, “there’s no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you”.

    25. RJ says:

      2 snowmen were standing in a meadow. One turns to the other and says, “do you smell carrots?”

    26. Marlene Nana Diviney says:

      This is not a silly joke but it reminds me of the time when you lived in Georgia and you and Ryan picked us up at the airport. On the way to your house Ryan was telling Knock-Knock jokes and I remember him saying “my Dad and I are going to write a joke book sometime”. Wonderful memories!!!

    27. nic says:

      How does the gingerbread man make his bed? With cookie sheets.
      Why don’t anteaters get sick? Because they’re full of anty-bodies!
      Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
      When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway.
      What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
      what’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

    28. Sam Durham says:

      Ken, this might help you:

      (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

      (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

      (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

      (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

      (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

      (6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

      (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

      (8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying &$%^ YOU!

      (9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3..

    29. Sheila York says:

      for Mountaineer fans:

      If Bob Huggins ever got caught for speedin, he would let the cop off with a warning!

    30. Julie Manausa says:

      what do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and lying on a front porch?

      MATT!

    31. Jo Hobbs says:

      I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

    32. Amanda Gyorko says:

      Why was the tomato blushing?

      He saw the salad dressing.

    33. Julie Manausa says:

      What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?

      boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooots!

    34. Jo Hobbs says:

      This one’s for you, Sue.

      A husband is someone who, after taking
      the trash out, gives the impression that
      he just cleaned the whole house.

    35. Pick a state for this one… What type of women is a [State] 10?

      A 4 with a 6-pack.

    36. I know I’ll get flak for this, but… How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

      Wave to her.

    37. Jill in Morgantown says:

      This one’s for you Ken

      A couple has a dog that snores.
      Annoyed because she can’t sleep,
      the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
      The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles,
      and he will stop snoring.
      ‘Yeah right!’ she says.
      The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.

      Muttering to herself,
      she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon
      and ties it carefully around the
      dog’s testicles.
      Sure enough, the dog stops snoring.

      The woman is amazed.
      Later that night,
      her husband returns home drunk
      from being out drinking with his buddies.
      He climbs into bed,
      falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly.
      The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him.
      So, she goes to the closet again,
      grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband’s testicles.
      Amazingly, it also works on him!
      The woman sleeps soundly.

      The husband wakes from his drunken stupor
      and stumbles into the bathroom.

      As he stands in front of the toilet,
      he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
      He is very confused,

      and as he walks back into the bedroom,
      he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog’s testicles.

      He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers,
      ‘I don’t know where we were or what we did,

      but, by God we took FIRST and SECOND place!

    38. Angelique says:

      Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

      DANGEROUS: “What’s for dinner?”
      SAFER: “Can I help you with dinner?”
      SAFEST: “Where would you like to go for dinner?”

      DANGEROUS: “Are you wearing THAT?”
      SAFER: “Gee, you look good in brown.”
      SAFEST: “Wow! Look at you!”

      DANGEROUS: “What are you so worked up about?”
      SAFER: “Could we be overreacting?”
      SAFEST: “Here’s fifty dollars.”

      DANGEROUS: “Should you be eating that?”
      SAFER: “You know, there are a lot of apples left.”
      SAFEST: “Can I get you a glass of wine with that?”

      DANGEROUS: “What did you DO all day?”
      SAFER: “I hope you didn’t overdo today.”
      SAFEST: “I’ve always loved you in that robe.”

    39. Michele says:

      Two pigs take a trip to the beach one day and lay down their towels for some sun. After about an hour one pig looks over at the other and only sees a slice of bacon. The pig said to the bacon “I told you you should have worn sun screen”.

    40. ARKlep says:

      Why did the bee get married?

      Cause he found his honey.

    41. Beth Wilmoth says:

      Why do cows wear bells?

      Cause their horns don’t work.

    42. Jo Hobbs says:

      TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America!
      MARIA: Here it is.
      TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
      CLASS: Maria!

    43. Amanda Gyorko says:

      What do you call a hooker with no arms or legs?

      A Night Crawler

    44. Michele says:

      3 guys die and go to hell – there were 3 rooms and they were shown each room. The first room had people standing on there heads on concrete, the second room had people standing on their heads on bricks, the third room had people standing in cow dung up to their ankles and drinking coffee. All three men chose the third room and as soon as they entered, God showed up and told them “okay now, coffee break is over”, get back on your heads!

    45. Angie says:

      When you are outside the bathroom you are an American. Do you know what you are when your inside the bathroom???

      European!

      Thanks to the Popsicle Company for putting these on the sticks!

    46. Nick says:

      Why is it dangerous to play poker at the zoo?

      Too many Cheetahs!!!

    47. Galya says:

      Two explorers are macheting their way down the side of a mountain.
      The explorer walking behind the other suddenly notices they are walking toward the edge of a cliff.
      Explorer in back: “Hey, watch out for that cliff!”
      Explorer in front: “What cliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…!”

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